Epiphany?

You know i guess the first question almost anyone would ask is why why why epiphany?Let me first start with a warning for the faint hearted to stop at this instant and not read any further…go if you are unable to have the patience to read long blogs…go if you are not ready to read what may depress you…because the reality is…whether you want to believe it or not,a lot of life is fucked up…yet now i disgress…why in the world did i choose epiphany?

From the Merriam-Webster online dictionary:

One entry found for epiphany.
Main Entry: epiph·a·ny Pronunciation: i-’pi-f&-nEFunction: nounInflected Form(s): plural -niesEtymology: Middle English epiphanie, from Middle French, from Late Latin epiphania, from Late Greek, plural, probably alteration of Greek epiphaneia appearance, manifestation, from epiphainein to manifest, from epi- + phainein to show — more at FANCY1 capitalized : January 6 observed as a church festival in commemoration of the coming of the Magi as the first manifestation of Christ to the Gentiles or in the Eastern Church in commemoration of the baptism of Christ2 : an appearance or manifestation especially of a divine being3 a (1) : a usually sudden manifestation or perception of the essential nature or meaning of something (2) : an intuitive grasp of reality through something (as an event) usually simple and striking (3) : an illuminating discovery b : a revealing scene or moment

haha…an intuitive grasp of reality through something usually simple and striking says it all…another simple movie night out to Batman Begins ended with a long session of heartfelt talk between three people of which i was one of them…Sharing a bottle of red,a bottle of white,and a bottle of bubbly between us,we began to learn many things about each other no one else had the privelege of knowing…one of us in particular…who summarised his life as well,”mostly fucked up…”You see that’s one of the marvels of letting alcohol influence your system…Most people would beg to differ…but this is the no.1 reason why i drink…it is simply amazing how open the people you drink with are and this may sound hard to believe but when we reach a certain stage…intellectual pearls of wisdom that is normally kept within begins to pour…and we come to realise more about life than we think we do just by listening to what others have to say…and a little bit of our own sharing as well.This is the simple and striking event that caught me and inspired the beginning of this blog…a new grasp of reality…epiphany…

Many things entered conversation last night…mostly about life…actually,mostly on relationships…you know they say guys are less patient in relationships,that we only have them to screw around…you know what?all i have to say to that is “fuck that”…its complete bullshit…most ladies i’ve ever been interested with have always always been too impatient to go faster…when will anyone ever realise that lots of guys like me take time to build the relationship…to talk more heart to heart talks…to know each other better to a level of understanding that you do not acheive with anyone else…because in every relationship,you fight for that simple glimmer of hope that the person you’re with or would like to be with is the person you’d like to be with the rest of your life…the one who lets you be yourself…the one who’s hand you hold at 80…the one beside you through all the good and bad as well as the in between times…the one you ultimately share your life with…i know its beginning to sound cheesy and like i’m a faggot…but heck…i don’t give a shit what you think…i write what i wanna write…its your choice whether you read it or not…

There may come a point in time in your life where you’re faced with a hypothetical situation…This one came up particularly last night with regards to my other two companions…when you’re stuck in between…when someone has fallen for you whilst you were attached to someone else…all that remains is to ask yourself…”where do you see yourself with either of them?”"at what level do you connect with with either of them?”If you are unable to see that future…why bother?(direct quote)If you are the one who has fallen for the attached,”do you see yourself as a challenge?”"if not,why bother?”…”why bother?”…two very simple striking words yet posing a challenging question…you see…you bother simply because you can’t control it…it is simply irrelevant and inconceivable to rationalise what is inside your heart of hearts,no one can see your feelings heck even what you go through in life exactly as you see it…you have to live it to know it…and each one of us is just different…thats the paradoxical beauty of our heart of hearts…When you fall for someone,there is this little flame burning within you that no one,i stress,no one,but yourself can understand or extinguish…it is the same flicker of hope i talked about earlier…even when the weather seems bad…you bother to struggle,yes,you bother,simply because it’s who you trully are and what you do in response to who you are…It may be wrong not to think of the consequences of what you feel…but thats simply another long debate…what i write about is why we bother…you fight because you believe…even when you know ultimately what happens next is not your choice but that of all the people involved…i guess thats what faith is about…you do not give up every time you face a losing or hopeless battle…fighting because your heart tells you to…not mind,but...

heart over matter

I shall leave you at that…

~ by hobart kho on June 22, 2005.